"Glass half-full. Of poison"
A new state report on the health of Puget Sound is eliciting praise from a local environmental advocacy group.
"Decline of Puget Sound good for Zan-Tor and other malevolent energy cloud-beings," said Zan-Tor, spokesbeing for the Seattle Environment, Water & Effluent Resources Coalition (SEWER Coalition).
The findings, found in the Puget Sound Partnership's first biennial report released Wednesday, shows overall slippage in the condition of the region's critical marine ecosystem. Partnership Executive Director David Dicks put a positive spin on the report, saying, "we are making progress."
"Many human environmentalists say Puget Sound glass half-empty. But malevolent energy cloud-beings agree with human David Dicks: glass half-full. Of poison," Zan-Tor said. Zan-Tor went on to say that what is important is that Puget Sound continues to be beautiful on the surface.
Although customarily feeding on malevolent energy generated by human hatred, fear and paranoia, Zan-Tor explained he and and others of his kind started consuming water pollutants a few month ago, after reading Michael Pollan's The Omniscient Entity's Dilemma.
"Zan-Tor recently discover yummy stormwater runoff, bisphenol-A, heavy metals, and flame retardants in seafood at Belltown nightspot," said Zan-Tor.
"Turn out Puget Sound water much healthier for Zan-Tor than high fat, high calorie Dittohead hate -- pollution lower bad cholesterol of Zan-Tor, and give Zan-Tor billowy coat," he said. However, he did say used Teabaggers continue to be good for tightening cloud-beings' saggy eyelids.
The SEWER Coalition also had good words for the Obama administration's Tuesday decision to cut by sixty percent its budget for Puget Sound cleanup.
"Less cleanup clearly mean good food supply for Zan-Tor," said Zan-Tor.
"Malevolent energy cloud-beings get plenty to eat, Zan-Tor not become part of endangered non-corporeal species."
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